We were driving down the serene and scenic Natchez Trace Parkway when my 90-year old mother turned to me and said, “What?  I can’t hear you”.  I spoke louder, “We are going to get a hearing test”.   She nodded and smiled.  You see my mother has dementia and had already forgotten where we were headed.

I turned the volume up the 40’s station on SiriusXM Satellite Radio and mom sang along to an oldie, “Beyond the New Horizon”, a song about a train and traveling.

Neither of us were excited about going to the ENT doctor but another hearing test was much needed.   The entire family knew her hearing had progressively gotten worse and I needed to investigate if anything could be done.

In retrospect, the signs were all there.  Mom would smile or nod pretending she could hear the  conversation.  I would see her retreating to another room or isolating herself to her bedroom so she wouldn’t be involved in conversation.  She would withdrawal from birthday celebrations and during Christmas or Thanksgiving dinners she adamantly refused to sit with the family at the table.   It was most exasperating constantly repeating ourselves loudly several times.  Gradually we noticed the grandkids and great grandkids no longer wanted to engage her in conversation because they knew the inevitable outcome.  Mom no longer wanted to go shopping at the grocery store which was her favorite place.  She loved conversing with complete strangers.  But now home was a safer option.  Once I bought and wore a headset/microphone to amplify my voice.  The gadget made me look like a tour guide but unfortunately she still couldn’t hear me.  Frankly, I was tired of putting the headset on each time I wanted to say something.  The thought had crossed my mind of teaching her sign language, but with dementia she would quickly forget it.   In a strange way, mom has created her own sign language, which is pointing at things (this too annoys everyone).

Research shows that hearing issues are linked to dementia.  That doesn’t mean that people with hearing loss (about two-thirds of adults over 70) are guaranteed to have dementia but the odds are 2-5 times higher.  It makes sense that if your ears can no longer pick up on sounds, your hearing nerves will send fewer signals to your brain.  As a result, the brain declines.

I was a bit anxious since Covid-19 was running rampant and mom had to wear a mask as we entered the ENT office, soon the test began.  The doctor placed my mother in a soundproof booth and was asked to raise her hand each time she heard a sound.  As I sat behind her in the listening booth.  I soon realized she wasn’t raising her hand very much, but yet I could hear all the sounds.  I knew the results would be grim.

The doctor’s prognosis ….mom is now nearly deaf in her left ear and has 50% hearing in her right.  Her hearing aids (we purchased 2 years ago) were falling out of ears due to her soft skin which explains why she refused to wear them.  The doctor’s suggestion … transform her current hearing aids into “fitted” hearing aids.

The big question… how do you make “fitted” hearing aids?  As you can see, mom wasn’t sure what was going on when they pressed bright pink silly putty in her ear.   The impression was sent off to the manufacturer and to create custom fitted hearing aids.

After a return visit to the doctor, mom found the fitted Starkey Hearing Aids were easy to put in and they don’t fall out.  To the casual observer, you can’t tell it’s in the ear.  The struggle for the family is getting her to wear them all the time.  Believe me, I know when she’s not wearing them.  How I deal with it is just to say, “Can I help you put in the hearing aids”?  She will always smile and nod affirmatively.

Another big issue for my mother, is speaking.  Sometimes it takes two minutes for a sentence to be formulated and spoken, and even then sometimes the sentence is rearranged, broken, or all we hear is just one word.  As you can guess, we all get quite frustrated in trying to figure out what she is saying.  The cause of course is dementia.  As you know, memory loss is usually the most common symptom of dementia but in some cases like my mother, patients lose their ability to speak first.  With dementia, speech difficulty can range from simply forgetting a word to the complete loss of ability to speak.

I would not have asked for this experience, but it has filled my soul with a measure of patience and compassion for all the caregivers in the world who are experiencing the same thing.

I am reminded that Jesus healed a multitude of people in his day including those who were deaf.  “And they brought to him a man who was deaf and had a speech impediment, and they begged him to lay his hand on him.  And taking him aside from the crowd privately, he put his fingers into his ears, and after spitting touched his tongue. And looking up to heaven, he sighed and said to him, “Ephphatha,” that is, “Be opened.”  And his ears were opened, his tongue was released, and he spoke plainly. And Jesus charged them to tell no one. But the more he charged them, the more zealously they proclaimed it.  And they were astonished beyond measure, saying, “He has done all things well. He even makes the deaf hear and the mute speak.”  Mark 7:32-37 ESV

We can pray for those who are suffering from a sickness or infirmity, but also pray for their caretakers for they will need a dose of strength on their rocky journey.

“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. “ Romans 5:3 ESV

If you are on a challenging road right now, remember that God loves you and is shaping your character through the hard times you experience.  Cling to every nuance and glimmer of hope.  Cling to Jesus.  God is preparing you for better days ahead.