There are days I believe God is trying to break me, but then I wonder if perhaps He is up to something else.  There have been many times in life that I have felt this, wave after wave of barely survivable situations hitting me, but never more than what’s happening now.   

Mom moved in.  For nearly 8 years my 91-year-old mother has been living with us.  She was diagnosed with mixed dementia (vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s) almost 5 years ago.  To put it mildly, many days it has been difficult living with her, and the disease gets worse daily.  She has forgotten most of her past and her short-term memory is extremely bad.  On top of that, she has many medical maladies: severe osteoporosis; severe osteoarthritis in her left wrist/hand/arm, hyperparathyroidism, high blood pressure, deaf in one ear and 50% hearing in the other, speech is garbled and challenging to understand her and the list goes on.  She is not in good shape.  

Then came Covid-19.  In August 2021, we all were stricken with Covid, but unfortunately it hit my mother pretty hard.   The hospitals were full, she didn’t want to go anyway.  Unfortunately, the entire ordeal really weakened her body.  She can no longer get up or walk on her own but can take a few steps with a walker.  In a nutshell, my mother’s health has severely declined and needs round the clock care.

I felt so elated and blessed to be able to retire in 2020 but my dream of being free to sightsee, travel, and pursue hobbies quickly vanished.  With all that’s happened, I feel obligated and on mission to stay home to care for my feeble mother as long as I’m able.  It’s the right thing to do. 

Then came knee pain.  To top it all off, I suddenly suffered from unbearable pain when walking and climbing stairs.  After getting x-rays, I learned I have severe osteoarthritis in my right knee and would require a total knee replacement.  I am literally counting the days until my surgery.

Then came a stomach infection.  While writing this piece, I suddenly had serious stomach pain.  I am grateful for doctors and antibiotics. 

Taking care of a dementia laden mother with health issues has been the toughest job I’ve ever had (and I’ve had lots of stressful jobs in life).  The weight of my current circumstances seems unfair, overwhelming, and unsustainable.  The only thing I can do is go to the source.  I have prayed and have asked God all the questions:  How much longer can I endure all this?  Is there any hope on the horizon that my burdens will be lifted?  Are you trying to break me or are you up to something else?   In talking with God, he’s given me these things to consider. 

It’s all temporary.  Things that happen to you in life are temporary, they don’t last forever.  If you are going through a tough time right now, know that God is aware of it and is walking with you through the pain.  He knows. 

“For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”  2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Transient things help us appreciate eternal things.  When you are suffering and in pain, remember this life is but a flicker compared to the eternal glories of the next life in heaven.  Earthly suffering always escalates inward growth.

Don’t give up hope.  Don’t spend precious time feeling sorry for yourself, feeling that life is unfair, having pity parties and feeling there is no hope in sight.  I guarantee you that there will be an end to your pain and turmoil, God will bring joy and peace back into your life.  Look back over your life and reflect on the times you nearly gave up all hope.  Consider how many times God orchestrated things so that your situation changed; hope was restored.  While sitting in prison, apostle Paul wrote to the Roman church who was being persecuted with these uplifting words. 

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”  Romans 12:12

Blessings are coming.  Trials are part of what God is doing to prepare His people.  For Christians, the blessings on earth are nothing compared to the ultimate blessing, “the crown of life”, eternal life in heaven, that is our end game, the real victory. 

“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.”  James 1:12

Jesus told his disciples they would have tribulation.  John 16:33) Therefore, we should expect and prepare to be patient in tribulation. 

God is not trying to break you; He “is” up to something else.  God does allow frustration and pain in your life.  Consider the storms that trees endure, their roots grow deeper.   Circumstances are designed to draw you closer to God and grow deeper in your faith.  God hears your prayers and enjoys the time you are communing with Him in prayer.  Even though He already knows your every thought, tell him how you feel.  Your current situation can transform your mind and character as you acquire Christ-like qualities.  You’ll also start to be aware the Holy Spirit is growing fruit in your heart which is love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23)

Remember your current circumstances are fleeting, they won’t last forever.  It’s easy to get discouraged and give up hope.  Accept challenges as they come, but don’t magnify them, magnify God, focus on Him.  The One who loves you; the One who can give you peace amid your circumstances.