In the dead of the night, the unnatural sound of heavy breathing sliced through the silence, wrenching us from our peaceful slumber. I leaped out of bed, my heart racing with worry as I rushed to my dog’s side. Searching his mouth, there was no foreign object causing this distress. The relentless panting persisted. As the sun broke, we made the decision to take our dog Willie to the Vet. The vet’s face portrayed a mix of empathy and dread as she led my husband to her office. Willie had had full blown lymphoma. Aggressive cancer cells were waging an internal war, invading Willie’s lymph nodes and vital organs. Their growth knew no bounds, aggressively consuming his life with only a few weeks to live.
In the dead of the night, the unnatural sound of heavy breathing sliced through the silence, wrenching us from our peaceful slumber. I leaped out of bed, my heart racing with worry as I rushed to Willie’s side. Searching his mouth, there was no foreign object causing this distress. The relentless panting persisted. As the sun broke, we made the decision to take him to the Vet. The vet’s face portrayed a mix of empathy and dread as she led my husband to her office. Willie had had full blown lymphoma. Aggressive cancer cells were waging an internal war, invading Willie’s lymph nodes and vital organs. Their growth knew no bounds, aggressively consuming his life with only a few weeks to live.
As younger labs, they both had a penchant for chasing cars, farm equipment, motorcycles, ATV’s, people riding horses and slower moving golf carts. All our training was to no avail. When they ran, we ran too, to get them. One day, one-year old Millie had caught up with a farm truck passing by and was crushed. Our hearts were crushed too, crying for days; that was almost 9 years ago. She was the most beautiful dog I had ever seen. We will always remember her soft angelic face.
Willie liked to chase cars too. If you look close at Willie, you will see a scar on his leg. One day he decided to chase after a golf cart passing by and he got too close, his leg was broken. He had to wear a cast and the “cone of shame” for a while, but he was able to walk again. He doesn’t chase cars anymore.
The Lake
We are blessed to be living right on a 19-acre private lake, called Reflection Lake. You do reflect a lot about life as you walk the lake. It’s also a perfect environment for labs. Like clockwork, twice a day, we walk the dogs around the lake almost every day (no leash). Willie and his mother, a black lab mix, often meander quietly through the thick woods, deep green grass, and the serene sparkling blue lake as their daily routine. All we have to do is say “walk” and they are up and running for the door. The minute you put on your shoes; they know it’s time. The past 4 weeks it’s rained 8 inches, so my husband often puts on his boots, takes up his walking stick, and leads the way. The dogs have worn a winding pathway through the thick grass to the beckoning lake.
I have fond memories of the lake. Willie would jump in just to get a drink of water. He almost looked like he was swimming, but he was really walking on the shore of the lake. When he was younger, we rowed our blue canoe out to the middle of the lake and Willie swam out to join us. Suddenly, we noticed he was bobbing up and down; I realized he did not have the strength to make it back to shore. Willie was drowning. Desperately we rowed over to him and pulled our 80-lb. dog Willie into the boat. His entire body was shaking from using every bit of strength to stay with us. Willie is old now, he can barely take a sip of the lake while bending over, his legs are shaking again.
The medicine
The medicine prescribed is helping to some degree. Prednisone has reduced the size of his tumors by 75% initially and the antibiotic has helped with his tooth infection. Unfortunately, the medicine combined with his deteriorating condition is making life miserable for him and for us. Willie is constantly drinking water round the clock and thus constantly having to pee, anywhere he can. Fortunately, we have cement floors. The laborious task of mopping and going through dozens of towels for cleanup all are dwarfed in comparison to the reality of losing our beloved pet.
Drinking and eating were never a problem for Willie. Like humans, his weakness is eating. He loves chicken, hamburger, turkey, and bones. We keep a wicker basket full of dog snacks in the kitchen. It’s that piercing steadfast look that always says, “snack please”. Even now, his appetite has not diminished.
Whenever I was sick, Willie would lay down right next to me and comfort me. Over time, I think he truly believed he was human. He would lay in bed with us every night, even as he grew to 90 lbs.
Time is running out
The vet tells us Willie only has a week or two to live. The cancer is taking its toll. We have prayed without ceasing that God heals our dog. I’ve never heard of a dog being miraculously healed, but I know God hears our prayers and I know he is quite capable of doing so. He has healed some people, but not all people. Everything is in God’s will. We pray “they kingdom come, they will be done”, but I don’t think we are really ready for His sovereign will. It is beyond our understanding on this side of heaven, why God allows some things to happen. God is control, and we are not.
Willie is finding comfort in laying on the cool cement floor. His favorite spots are under my husband’s legs at the home office, beside our bed, and next to the couch right under our feet – right next to us. I would always see an image crossing the shower glass door each morning, it was Willie taking up his resident spot in the bathroom. We have always told visitors, “Watch where you are walking”. It’s easy to trip over Willie, his cinnamon color blends in exactly with cement floor color.
There was a popular commercial where a baby was scared of the dog. So, the parents put a lion’s mane on their dog and the baby was happy. I’m sure the sales of that lion’s mane went through the roof on Amazon, but I contributed to the craze, and got one too. It blended perfectly with Willie’s color, and he too looked like an adorable lion. Honestly, he didn’t seem to like it.
Willie is gasping for air
An x-ray was taken, and it clearly revealed his lungs are now half full of fluid, which explains his struggle with getting air. It’s hard for him to get comfortable, shifting positions to breathe better. He lays low most of the day, conserving his energy. A decision must be made. Willie needs to be put to sleep to ease his pain and misery. The vet’s recommended choice, a tough choice. I was singing to him his last days to calm him down. His last meal was a piece of steak which I hand fed him. His breakfast was the same as mine: scrambled eggs and bacon. He may have acknowledged my last strokes of affection and a kiss on his head, his body acquiescing to the disease. “Goodbye Willie, I’ll see you in heaven”.
Heaven
When it’s my turn to step into heaven, I’ll be greeted by all my family and friends, along with those I’ve influenced in some way, that is … all those that decided that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. Jesus said, “No man comes to the father, except through me”. It’s beyond my imagination that God loved us so much He gave up His only son, that if we make a choice to believe in Jesus and follow Him, we will not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16. It boils down to this… God loves us, and He has made a way for us to join Him in heaven. The Bible describes heaven as an incredible place, where we will live forever with fellow believers. Who knows? Perhaps it is possible that God may surprise us. It would be nice, if as we step into heaven, we’ll see our beloved healthy pets running towards us. That would indeed be quite a treat. Nothing is impossible with God.
Willie is no longer here. All we have now is his ashes, photos, and memories. We have a wooden photo box urn placed in my husband’s office displaying a photo of Willie at a time when he was happier and full of life. A snapshot in time at the high point of vigor and fitness, this is how we should remember them. Although we sojourn through a time of sadness and loss, the warmth and love that we felt (and still feel) has filled our hearts to overflowing. Sharing a window of time with our pets, we get in return – unconditional love. And that my friend, is the stuff life is made of.
May you seek the Lord while He may be found (Isaiah 55:6) and may I see you too in heaven.