Time seems to slow down when you wait for the inevitable. It gives you space to reflect on what is really important in life. It also allows you the freedom and flexibility to perhaps learn new things.
I’m waiting for my mother to pass, which is inevitable. She’s been on in-home hospice for 9 months now and her decline with Dementia has been excruciatingly slow (as compared to most). There are fragments of time between taking care of my mother where I can try out new things.
A time for planting. I’ve been growing herbs in outdoor raised planters, dehydrating, and chopping up the spices. There is something about thrusting your hands in soil and working with growing plants, that is so refreshing.
A time to seek. It has been a good time to seek out new potential hobbies. Watercolors are so pretty but also a dripping mess. Oil paints offer more preciseness. I have watched YouTube videos one after another. It became clear I am no Michelangelo, just mediocre in skill but it’s definitely a creative quiet hobby. I call my first oil painting “Four Seasons”.
A time to keep or cast away. When you sit at home, staring at the walls, you begin to envision demolishing things (casting away) and rebuilding (gathering). I have recently enjoyed the makeover of two bedrooms. While my mother sits in the living room, I changed her entire room to the colors, ocean vibes, and artwork of San Diego, where she lived over 50 years. We call the room “The San Diego Room”. Then came our bedroom which was changed from fall colors to a bright tropical boho décor; very relaxing. We have named our other rooms “The Montana Room”, “The Beach House”, and even “The Arizona Bathroom”. So perhaps we should name our room, “The Tropical Room”.
I would add that we need not get too attached with “things”, although easy to do in our materialistic society. There are times when getting rid of our possessions is better than keeping them. Sometimes we cling too tightly to our stuff. We can acquire things while on earth, but we must always be prepared to let them go.
A time to heal. Pain made its debut during the wait (also inevitable). I turned my attention to getting healed so I could serve my mother. First it was knee orthoscopy to repair my torn meniscus (in both knees). When that didn’t work, a full knee replacement came at the worst time, when mother was placed on in-home hospice. The pain was ridiculous, but with God’s help I was able to push through it. Then … it was unavoidable that I was repetitively lifting my mother (to sit up or put her in the wheelchair) and so I injured my shoulder. Thankfully, the doctor gave me cortisone shots and physical therapy. If that wasn’t enough, I began experiencing leg pain. As it turned out, several varicose veins (non-working veins) needed to be removed (along with a multitude of spider veins). I am grateful there was a place I could go to get the needed surgery, MS Vein Institute. God desires us to seek healing through prayer and the medical community.
A time to eat. I made “fresh” spaghetti the other night (with a gadget you put on the KitchenAid mixer), fresh ice cream this past summer (with my new ice cream maker) and many other new dishes. My husband and I enjoyed trying out new meals. Sadly, my 92-year-old mother only eats breakfast, soft and small pieces. The inevitable is that as a person with dementia declines, there will be a time that she will not want to eat or drink.
A time to dream. I have dreamt of traveling for many years. I would love to take a refreshing trip: to see history, other cultures, but more importantly the world that God created. A world not just posted in pictures or video, but in person. I realize that God has appointed me to be a caregiver to my mother, for this season in her life. It would be easy to run ahead of God’s timing (or to run away), but His blessings are always worth the wait. Some people are afraid of leaving home and travelling, but I embrace it. Great things never come from comfort zones.
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace”. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Although Solomon didn’t list everything under the sun, he did acknowledge there is an appropriate and perfect time for every human event or activity. Many things in life are fixed and determined by God. For example, at the right time, Christ was born (Gal. 4:4). We must take things as they come, for it is not in our power to change what is appointed for us. If you read the book of Ecclesiastes, you’ll be reminded that every human endeavor is meaningless without God at the center of one’s life.