A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, but one of the most valuable assets in our society — Billy Graham.

I was only six months old when my father walked out, leaving an empty void that echoed through our home.  My mother was forced to go to work, and our family struggled.  By the time elementary school ended, Christmas presents and child support became as absent as he was.  My father was a distant stranger, more absorbed in his own life – his new wife, the pursuit of his career, enjoyment of his hobbies, and his quest for gold, in finding the Lost Dutchman Mine – than in the lives of his children.

While other fathers were taking their children camping, to fairs, theme parks, restaurants and vacations, I stayed at home dreaming about such things.  I never had a father to talk to me, to teach me things, help me with homework, to read to me, or to take me to church.  I never had a father to play catch with, go fishing together, swim with, attend a concert, or celebrate holidays and birthdays with.  There was no father to provide financial support, wisdom, protection or love.  Never once did my father wrap me in a comforting hug, nor did I hear the phrase “I love you” ever part from his lips in my direction.  I longed to have a father, but all I had was an absent father. 

I am not alone.  In the U.S., 17.8 million children, nearly 1 in 4, live without a father in the home (biological, step, or adoptive). 

For years, I harbored a deep bitterness and anger toward my father. His unwillingness to communicate felt like a dagger cutting deeper into my heart. I told myself I would never forgive him; he didn’t deserve it. But over time, I learned that holding onto unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person would die. In truth, it was me who was being poisoned, as the root of bitterness within me only grew larger and more entangled.

It took many years of struggle and prayer, but eventually, I resolved to locate my father. I needed to meet him face-to-face and forgive him for his past actions (or rather inaction) against me. Even when that moment arrived, and he never uttered an apology or acknowledged the pain he had caused, I realized I needed to accept him for who he was—an unloving and uncaring father—and release the hold he had over my heart.

Though I never spoke the words “I forgive you” aloud, I said them in my mind and settled the matter in my heart. In doing so, I finally let go of the suffocating weight of unforgiveness.  Forgiving my father felt like a heavy burden of bitterness had been lifted from my soul, setting me free and replacing it with peace.  

If your father has hurt you, it’s a journey worth taking to seek reconciliation. Start with the gentleness of a positive conversation, reaching out with love and grace. These steps may be small and slow, and the road may be long, but with each effort, you will begin to offer forgiveness, which will, in turn, heal your own heart. Remember, through the strength you find in faith and the power of prayer, your broken spirit will begin to mend, ushering in a sense of peace beyond understanding.

Just a year after meeting my father and my silent act of forgiveness, he passed away. Though we never bridged the chasm between us in the way I had once hoped, I found peace in knowing that I had forgiven him. Most importantly, I found freedom and healing from the wounds he had caused. Through God’s grace, I learned that forgiveness was never about him deserving it; it was about setting my soul free.   

My Husband

Eventually, in God’s perfect timing, He brought me my husband, Mike. I affectionately call him My Montana Man—for he comes from a state with beautiful, wide-open spaces.  Mike embodies all the qualities I once nestled in my prayers. Our journey together has been steeped in grace, and though it took time for his many strengths to fully reveal themselves, they have blossomed abundantly through the years. 

He’s smart, with a dry wit that keeps me laughing. His kindness humbles me daily, weaving gentle patience through all our activities. In every glance and every touch, I see the gracious hand of God, casting a stark contrast against the shadows of my past. Where my father fell short, Mike stands tall, a pillar of love and unwavering support.

Mike is my constant north star.  He is ever-present and ever-loving, filled with a tenderness that makes up for all the hugs and affection I missed growing up.  For almost 40 years, Mike has been my anchor, the earthly embodiment of God’s steadfast love. Hand in hand, we’ve crafted a life rich in His blessings, and more than anyone else, he is the answer to the prayers of my heart and is a sharp contrast from my absent father.

Mike has also been a loving and engaged father to our two children.  There are no perfect fathers, but like clay in the hands of the Potter, men are molded by the experiences they have walked through.   Every stumble and misstep along his journey has been a stepping stone toward becoming the better father and now grandfather he is today—a father whose wisdom and generosity reflect the very heart of God. Through tears and laughter, challenges and triumphs, he has grown through the years, showing the family that even when we see imperfections in our father, there are also imperfections in us. 

Heavenly Father

Although I don’t have an earthly father, I do have a heavenly father.  God is all-knowing, all-powerful, and always present.  God is not absent; instead, He is always present both in place and in time.  He created the heavens and the earth; He also created time.  God is without a beginning or end – the Alpha and Omega.  So, he has been present in the world since its creation, and there will never be a time from which he is absent. When I pray, I’m communicating with God. I know He is listening, and He is near. 

Despite never having an earthly father to look up to, I take comfort in knowing that I have a Father in heaven who loves me more than any earthly father could.  God more than fills the void left by my earthly father.  From the dawn of creation to every heartbeat I’ve had, He is there. When I see the skies God painted, the earth He sculpted, I feel His boundless creativity and love.  He is watching over us with a Father’s tender heart.

When I pray, it’s a conversation with my heavenly Father, my confidante, my guide. In my moments of quiet prayer, I feel His presence is so near, and I am reminded that I am never alone. The Creator of the world, time, and space is here with me, always. God is near to us always, especially when we are brokenhearted. 

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”  Psalm 34:18

If you are struggling with aspects of your earthly father, God wants you to communicate your feelings to your father; it’s possible that “both” you and your father may need to say you are sorry for your mistakes; finally, forgive your father and move on.   Be free of the past so you can be happy in the present.   However, I would urge you not to take a lifetime to forgive your father, like I did.   

Remember, you can always turn to your heavenly father.  He is waiting for you.

“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.”  James 4:8